he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
