D3 body, D1 cock
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
