About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
