i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize