i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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