I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
