i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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