guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm jealous of your bromance
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize