just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
