I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
