I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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