she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
