Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
