Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
