last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
