That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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