left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
