I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
