so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
