Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
