Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
