Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
