I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
