I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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