your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
