I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
