a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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