There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
