I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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