Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
did you just send me my own nude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
