my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
