Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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