just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
