ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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