i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
