i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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