I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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