We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
