just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Come on in and take your pants off
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