On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize