It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
