Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
