maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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