dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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