he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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