The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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