Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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