Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
