Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
