Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize