Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
