I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
