I want to walk on stilts...naked
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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