whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
