My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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