if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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