Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
