If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
