in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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