Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
