I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
