I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
