dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
