I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize