fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
