did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Screwed.edu
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we're so committed to being not committed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
