Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
