She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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