Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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