he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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